Carpe diem
21. Harry Potter. Gryffindor. Sports journalist. Boston Sports. Star Wars. Lord of the Rings.
Recent Tweets
@krazykev13
Mates
- Computer: Monitor, display this document, okay?
- Monitor: No prob, boss.
- Computer: Okay, now it looks like the mouse is moving around. Monitor, can you move the pointer icon accordingly?
- Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
- Computer: Great, great, okay. Mouse, where are you going now?
- Mouse: Over the icon panel, sir.
- Computer: Hmm, let me know if he clicks anything, okay?
- Mouse: Of course.
- Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed Ctrl and P simultaneously.
- Monitor: Oh god, here we go.
- Computer: *sigh* Printer, are you there?
- Printer: No.
- Computer: Please, Printer, I know you're there.
- Printer: No! I'm not here! Leave me alone!
- Computer: Jesus. Okay, you really nee-
- Mouse: Sir! He's clicked on the printer icon.
- Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
- Printer: No! No! No! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!
- Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.
- Printer: No! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!
- Computer: You are not out of in-
- Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!
- Computer: *sigh* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
- Monitor: But sir, he has plen-
- Computer: Just do it, damn it!
- Monitor: Yes sir.
- Keyboard: Ahhh! He's hitting me!
- Computer: Stay calm. He'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
- Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!
- Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now? See what you've done!
- Printer: Ha! That's what you get for trying to make me do work. Next time he- hey! HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh god, he's torn out my cartridge! PLEASE! Help! Error!
- Monitor: Sir, maybe we should try to help him?
- Computer: No. He did this to himself.
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
- We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
- Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
This is one of my favorite songs of theirs!
I swear, I just discovered that Tchaikovsky is the Master. It was all his plot to plant the four drum beats in his music for the whole world to hear! (Tchaikovsky’s “Capriccio Italian” and “Romeo and Juliet”)
(via askrift)
(via happilyeveralex)
The RMS Titanic as she appears today at the bottom on the North Atlantic, 100 years after she sank.
(via kurtblaine)
(via mylittletragedy)
(via happilyeveralex)
